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| Maverick. |
TA: "One thing I used to love about playing for Tottenham was the innovative "low sock" trend which I actually invented myself. I used to tell Jamie Redknapp that instead of pursuing a career in punditry he should follow me into the fashion industry. He said he could combine both. I've yet to see evidence for this."
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| Available in sizes S, M, L, XL and Mido |
AE: "You've highlighted this particular polo shirt as of your favourites. Any particular reason why?"
TA: "Not many people know this but myself and Noureddine Naybet were actually models in a Milan fashion show some years ago. They wanted authentic, they wanted class. So I decided to flaunt the polo from the '82' range, the exact number of Cruyff turns I performed while playing for Tottenham. I think Naybet wore a scarf. He looked okay, we still have the pictures somewhere.
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| "It wasn't me, it was Anthony Gardner, honest!" |
AE: "You mention these Cruyff turns, were they a part of your game you perfected at Tottenham?"
TA: "Absolutely. I think some players are born with a level of skill which flourishes as their career continues and I think I was blessed with an incredible knack of being able to fool an opposition player. Not many players from Germany, Brazil or Spain can boast 82/82 successful Cruyff turns."
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| "Kappa - because tight is good"* *Slogan may vary |
AE: "You have an incredible physique if you don't mind me saying. How did you get on with the elasticised brand that is Kappa?"
TA: -laughs- "Oh yes, I've always been told I'm the African Brad Pitt. It's difficult to keep in shape especially when Andy Reid is constantly offering you fast-food vouchers, but I managed to keep myself sharp. Kappa as a brand were something of a blessing for me; I would often bench 200kg before a match so that my pectorals would be bulging out of the already tightly-fitted shirt. I think the blue also brought out my eyes."
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| "Based on genuine bananas, the Kappa FibreSocks are amongst the rarest in world football" |
AE: "I happen to have a pair of replica socks which you scored THAT goal against Newcastle in. What did you make of them as a fashion piece, and tell us about that goal."
TA: "Oh boy, that takes me back. I remember going up against Stephen Carr thinking 'This paddy doesn't stand a chance'. One of my many honed talents was my ability to run at a player, and as soon as I nutmegged Solano I knew I'd have Carr next. Racing inside, I placed one far corner past Shay Given. Johnnie Jackson jokingly said it took a deflection so I shaved his head. It was a wild night."
AE: "But what did you make of the socks?"
TA: "Yeah, Johnnie didn't like that. He did in fact get his own back by egging my car with Dean Marney and Mark Yeates. It was all in good humour though. They're lucky they didn't mess with Noé Pamarot instead, he'd have killed them."
AE: "Did you not get on with these yellow socks then?"
TA: "Pamarot certainly was a wild card. He used to mimic Mr. Santini in the dressing room before a game, but everyone was too scared to say anything so we just laughed nervously. I miss those days."
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| L'animal. |
AE: "If you're not going to answer my questions then why the fuck am I interviewing you still."
TA: "This is an interview? Wait a minute, aren't you Erik Edman? I thought you came over for a chat about old times!"
AE: "No, I'm just looking for some insight into the history of Tottenham fashion but this has obviously backfired. Any closing comments, Timothee?"
TA: "Yeah, I'd just like to say hi to all my haters, you made me who I am today!"
AE: "Pleasure as always, Timothee. See you next Tuesday."
TA: "No dramas."
~DISCLAIMER~ This article is entirely fictitious and devised for the sole purpose of entertainment. Johnnie Jackson was not harmed in the making of this piece. Atouba was unavailable for any actual comments.
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