Somewhere between the bitter disappoint of an Anfield loss and the anticlimax of Europa League football, I've concocted a magical article depicting some of the more unheralded successes of Tottenham's illustrious history.
Bill Nicholson's famous double-winning side. Graham Roberts and Tony Parks' heroic cup final performances. Jurgen Klinsmann almost single-handedly saving the club from relegation. Our club's history is littered with incredible feats, each one compounded within the memory of diehard Spurs fans. But what's really behind this club's succcess? What standout memories will live longer than any goal or trophy? Let's investigate.
5) Graham Roberts' Tweets
After the aforementioned heroics of that victory against Anderlecht, I bet you're sat thinking: 'There's no way Graham Roberts can beat that, right?'
Wrong.
Enter two of the greatest Spurs-related tweets of all time.
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| Tweets as punctuated as Campbell's career was honourable. |
Roberts slams down @happycoder1969 with consummate elegance - not only does he refer to the Antichrist as 'deluded', but simultaneously pledges his allegiance to Tottenham through means of a 30-year-old hypothetical. And it's not like his anti-Sol statements do not hold truth, either. Campbell is a narcissistic train-wreck of a human, believing his exceptional athletic skills translate to rational thought in a post-football career. Incorrect, Sulzeer. There was only one way for this bloke to become more universally disliked, and that was to come out as a Tory. It's almost as if a man as morally deplorable would have political views akin to his career choices. You're the gift that keeps on giving, Sol. All Spurs legends have to do to earn our further approval is agree with how irrefutably sordid your actions were. Never change, Judas.
4) Timothee Atouba - Fashionista
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| 'Definitively Functional' - The Atouba Story |
Functional, unstylish and unspectacular. Tottenham's Cameroonian was something of a one-hit wonder, scoring an absolute worldie away at Newcastle (above). The goal came as something as a shock to everyone at St James' Park, least of all to Stephen Carr - some say he can be found haunting the Gallowgate End, whispering 'Timothee' to everyone who dares cut inside on their weaker foot.
What followed this goal, however, is nothing short of ludicrous. During his remaining time at White Hart Lane, Atouba discovered luminescent boots and step-overs, combining the two in a blur of pseudo-skill. Though much of this article is tongue-in-cheek and contains exaggerated elements, I can assure you that this account of Atouba's transformation is entirely accurate. Some time between a stunner up North and his next few appearances, ol' Tim gained the self-confidence to exhibit skill after skill, transforming from an average left back to cocky, fashionable flair player. It didn't do much for his standing at the Lane, though - he was sold the following summer. And to prove this tale is not fabricated, here's Atouba sporting a pair of golden boots brighter than his future.
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| Atouba: The Rise to Stardom(ish) |
3) David Bentley's 'Pants'
Carrying on with the fashion theme is our third entry into Tottenham lore. Finishing in 4th place and achieving Champions League football for the first time was one thing, but the ensuing celebrations at the Etihad are sure to live longer in the memory for the true Tottenham fan. Handsome skip-finder and class clown David Bentley interrupted manager Harry Redknapp's post-match interview, clad in his match kit and 'pants', to pour water over his gaffer.
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| An excerpt from the world's shittest Father/Son fishing trip |
The fun didn't stop there, my friends. Oh no. Bentley then proceeded to engage in what can only be described as a form of Irish jig, giggling like a schoolboy as he remained live on Sky Sports just short of things becoming uncomfortably awkward. For the audience, that is; neither Redknapp, in his dripping wet Sunday best, nor Bentley, in his undies, could have been particularly comfortable with the images that came from that interview. Bentley's attire was heavily scrutinised by The Internet, and the conspiracy theorists among us deciphered that the pants were nothing more than rolled-up shorts, breaking the hearts of millions nationwide. Never before has a moment gone from such excitement and wonder to bitter disappointment - apart from signing Bentley himself, of course.
2) Eric Dier during 'The Battle at The Bridge'
Few things in life have been more heartbreaking than losing our title challenge at the home of the world's scummiest team. To say it was an anger-inducing event would be a ridiculous understatement, as Spurs fans worldwide felt hurt and hatred pulsate through their very being. The living embodiment of this rage was Eric Dier - and that night, a hero was born. We lost the title, but young Eric won our hearts. Several bone-crunching tackles - each one a red card offence in itself - flew in at breakneck speed, with Dier showing no regard for human safety. It was poetic.
Among his victims were notorious turncoat and Sylar lookalike Cesc Fabregas, potential cartel dealer and owner of a false birth certificate Diego Costa, and whinging man-child Eden Hazard. It's hard to choose which challenge I enjoyed the most, in fairness. This, topped off with Mousa Dembele's controversial yet somehow enchanting 'eye-gauge' on Costa gave a thoroughly dreadful evening something of a silver lining. Haters will say there's no place for this unprecedented level of violence in our game - I would argue that the passionate thuggery our players showed on that night was testament to a newfound will-to-win. Give me that over shaking hands any day. Just look at Eric's face. He knows what he has done. Priceless.
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| Irony (noun) - The act of John Obi Mikel complaining about a late challenge. |
1) Teemu Tainio's 'Scoreboard Point'
Over the past decade or so, silverware has been scarcer than Hossam Ghaly's regard for neatly-folded laundry, so our Carling Cup success against Chelsea in 2008 will go down as one of our finest hours in recent history. Slightly embarrassing, for a club of our stature, but a trophy is a trophy. Amidst the beauty of a Berbatov equaliser and the walking injury Jonny Woodgate scoring with his face, there was one moment that really stood out in the hotly contested Wembley showpiece.
Extra time is drawing to a close, and by some miracle we're still winning. Our fans are nervously waiting to celebrate en masse and the players are understandably doing everything they can to waste time. Teemu Tainio, however, took things a step further.
That's right - the Finnish midfielder had the audacity to point to the score in front of the Chelsea players while receiving a yellow card from Mark Halsey. When confronted by Didier 'Rules Only Apply to Others' Drogba, Tainio offered him a beautiful 'shh' gesture, continuing to gesticulate at the giant Wembley screen. It was a feat so menial yet undeniably beautiful in its inception that it simply has to go down as the biggest contribution to our history. Trophies come and go, but a moment that almost literally rubs it in the faces of one of our fiercest rivals? It was a stroke of genius, one that outshone any of his on-the-pitch contributions and cemented his place in the history books. Bravo, Teemu.
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| What's higher - Drogba's sense of self-entitlement, or this photo's resolution? |
BONUS:
This is simply astounding, and had he been Spurs manager at this moment, would certainly achieve top spot in the Tottenham contribution list.
'Y'alright?'
A solitary, abbreviated colloquialism. As if a simple 'good morning' were not enough for Tim. Of course not. Tim's our mate, after all. The cool Uncle we always wanted. He doesn't just want to manage our football club, he wants to look cool doing it (see Tim: Gilet collection). Sherwood cannot simply press the button on the automatic door. No, it'd be much easier to halfheartedly raise a leg and kick the button, while simultaneously holding a bootbag, a coffee and an iPad. Fortunately, he balances out this collection of modern tat with a simple carrier bag in the other hand, proving how down-to-earth and relatable he is. That cheeky, half-grin as he enters the training complex. The shirt, jean and trainer combo that cries disheveled gap year student. Everything about this clip is pure gold dust. Anyone else would've simply laid down their belongings and pressed the button in a manner that didn't resemble a cocky schoolkid audaciously defying his superiors in an attempt to achieve the backing of his peers. But no, that'd be too mainstream for Tim. There's a reason this six second clip has been viewed nearly a million times - Sherwood's faux-commendable personality and managerial style combine to create sort of a shit Harry Redknapp. A cheeky chappy, sure, but with none of the slight managerial prowess that made Redknapp redeemable.
Sherwood-slating aside, it's good to mix things up a bit. Not everything has to be a tactical analysis of Pochettino's developing Tottenham side. Sometimes it's nice to sit back, relax, and remember our pant-wielding, bright-boot boasting, tough-tackling, sub-tweeting and cocksure-gesturing players of the past. Until next time.
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