Deadline Day is Dead

January 31st, 2011. Liverpool have just splashed out a whopping £35m on man-horse hybrid Andy Carroll. Alas, much like the mythical centaur, Liverpool could find no real use for their new freakish striker. The same was true of their outgoing £55m 'talent' Fernando Torres, who didn't exactly set the world alight at Chelsea. Nevertheless, deadline day was an exciting, dynamic experience full of breaking news stories, shock deals and big money moves. That was five years ago. Things have changed.

As another transfer window crawls to a close, Spurs fans cling to the futile hope that a shiny new striker will rock up at Hotspur Way. It's frustrating to put it mildly. But after the past half a decade of deadline day anti climaxes, it's not entirely unexpected. No, my main gripe is not with Levy and his bewildering lack of urgency this January. It's with Sky Sensationalist Sports and the farcical nature of the January transfer window - henceforth known as JTW.

Much like Sky Sports' coverage of the day, the JTW has become dull, unappealing and rather pointless. Not only do many of the signings fail to make an impact at their new club, but Sky Sports will dress up any potential suitors as minor miracles. I've sat looking at a yellow ticker repeatedly telling me that Steven Fletcher is to join Marseille. As bizarre as that is, it hardly warrants the breathtaking, sensationalist coverage it is given. This all stems from Sky's undying desire to make an occasion out of something that should have died out years ago. 

That's not all. The more you analyse it, the more incessantly frustrating it becomes. Take Sky's favourite quote for instance: 'our sources understand'. Your sources? Outside of the genius ketchup puns, this catchphrase of theirs is smothered in embarrassment. Everyone knows their sources are largely from Twitter. By the time Sky claims to have broken the news that Blackburn want Jordi Gomez on loan, about a thousand fans and journalists have already tweeted about the transfer and all its permeations. The whole day reeks of self-indulgence on Sky's behalf, with the heralded Jim White literally making a televised entrance into the building. While this used to be comical when the show had something half interesting to break like Robinho joining City or Berbatov *sob* joining United, it has become as tiresome as Mr. White himself is looking. 

The problems don't stop there. For starters, the January TW doesn't even end in January. No, the day is dragged out into the start of February, giving naive fans such as myself false hope that the team we support might actually be conducting some exciting, last-minute business. Incorrect. Every time the audience's attention is shifted to some dreary-eyed, lifeless reporter shacked up outside the Stadium of Light, we're given the same old story we've been spoon fed all day. But at least we can laugh at the gawking Stoke City fans lingering around the reporter longer than what is left of Steve McLaren's middle parting, right? Nope, because some genius ruined that by sticking a pink dildo in the bloke's ear. No seriously, that's why they stopped it. The one shred of enjoyment deadline day had to offer, gone in an instant. Instead, we're left with the emptiness of Sky's back-and-forth banter between Jamie Redknapp's unfeasibly tight trousers and Alan Smith's monotonal punditry. Great. Forget deadline day, forget the transfer window, just give us the title and get it over with. Because one striker playing 60 games in a season cannot possibly go wrong. COYS.